Chronicals of an Idiot Stuck in the Pokemon Realm
by Storm Midnight
Summary: A boy gets transformed into a pokemon, hilarity ensues. RATED FOR CURSING! DON'T LIKE DON'T READ! One of my favorite stories to write; based off of Pokemon Mystery Dungeon: Explorers of Time.
1. Encounter

This is my preferred reaction to getting transformed into a Pokémon. Inspired after what would happen if someone got turned into a Torchic.

Based loosely on the beginning of Pokémon Mystery Dungeon: Explorers of Time.

Hmm... I've decided that the main character is going to male. In case people haven't noticed most of my other stories have female leads.

It's in first person point of view.

I don't own anything.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Ugh...crap, where am I? I struggled to move but felt another wave of exhaustion wash over me. Shit, no good... I'm fading...

"Hello?"

I stirred feebly, five more minutes!

"Hey!"

I opened my eyes a bit; man this guy had some guts trying to wake me up this early in the morning.

"ARE YOU AWAKE!?"

I jumped to my feet, "I AM NOW WITH ALL YOUR DAMN YELLING!" WHO DID THIS GUY THINK HE IS!? All I want to do is catch a few Z's and—

Wait... It's all coming back...I had collapsed somehow... and—

HOLY GIRATINA IT'S A TALKING RIOLU!

"YOU CAN TALK!" I can't believe it! It's a talking Pokémon!

"Yea... And your point is?"

"POKEMON CAN'T TALK TO HUMANS!" I shouted.

"Dude, I don't know where you've been, but you look like a Torchic to me,"

I froze and walked to the water. (Wow, I'm on a beach? How did that happen?)

HOLY—

I'm not even going to finish that because there's no way they'd let anyone read it let alone print it on paper.

I LOOK LIKE A GIRL! I was a Torchic...

"WHAT IN THE NAME OF THE GREAT GAURDIAN IS GOING ON HERE!?" I exclaimed. I then looked to my sides, "AND I HAVE NO ARMS!?"

"Umm... Okay then..." the Riolu replied. "My name's Spike, what's yours?"

I thought about it for second and then realized; double crap, did I contract amnesia? After quite a bit of thinking I replied, "Name's Ryan,"

"Okay..." Spike said. "Hey you want to form an Exploration Team at Wigglytuff's Guild?"

"A what-now at where?" I replied, confused.

"A team that explores Mystery Dungeons and helps other Pokémon while training. And the guild is a wonderful organization where you can train to become stronger and meet new friends!" he answered cheerfully.

Please kill me.

But I have nothing better to do than sit on a beach wondering how I got there.

Might as well...

But I gotta know something first.

"Okay, but only if you answer a question,"

"What is it?"

I steeled myself for his reaction, "Are you gay?"

Next thing you know I got a mouth full of sand and Spike is holding a boulder over his head.

"WHAT THE _HELL_ MAN!? DO I _LOOK_ GAY TO YOU!?" he shrieked.

"The way you described the Mystery Guild thing," I explained while spitting out sand, "It sounded really fruity,"

That earned me another whack on the head from Mr. Boulder.

"I AM _NOT_ FRUITY!"

"Okay..." I replied disbelievingly. Spike raised the boulder threateningly, "_OKAY_ I GET IT! You're not gay! Happy!? Don't hit me!"

"So you want to form a team or not?" he demanded.

"Yea sure, lead the way," I replied. "Just remember, if you flirt with me EVER, you're dead,"

"Say anything else about me being gay and you'll go for another round with Mr. Boulder," He held it in his had and then I realized it was a rock.

A kinda big rock.

With some kind of design on it.

"What are all those squiggles on it for?" I asked while taking a step back. Now I have fear of Spike, rocks and getting hit. Thank you Spike; thank you for traumatizing me.

"Actually this is my most prized possession—"

"And you hit me with it!?" I interrupted.

"Either that or one of the bigger, pointier rocks," Spike responded. "ANYWAY, I've always wanted to find out what in means and hey, it's and _Exploration_ Team I'm bound to find _something_ about it!"

"Okay then let's go," I started to walk to the cave next to us.

"Uh... Ryan?"

"Yea?" I was still walking to the cave.

"The guild's this way," Spike started walking in the opposite direction.

Wow... I'm an idiot. "Yeah... I so knew that!"

"Admit it; you'd be lost without me!"

"I would not! Okay maybe I would, but it's not my fault I have no previous memory of who I am other than my name!"

"REALLY!?" Why didn't you tell me that in the first place?"

"You didn't ask!"

And thus starts an epic adventure of which the boundaries of time and darkness are crossed with Spike and Ryan screwing everything up countless times along the way.

Behold! The end of chapter one.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

That was actually fun to write! It's up to you guys if I should continue or not, okay?

I've taking a liking to Ryan, you may see him somewhere else!

(TFK)

Oh and feel free to suggest a better title.


	2. Chase

I finally updated! Enjoy!

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"So what do you think our team name should be?" Spike asked as we continued walking down the beach.

"Huh? Wha? Oh..." I had kinda zoned out while he was talking.

"Team name, the name of our exploration team!" he said again, slightly annoyed.

"Name... uh... how 'bout... Team Blades?"

"That sounds okay, but what is its significance to us?"

God, since when does he have brains? "Big words confuse me, explain,"

"What is the meaning behind the title?" he explained. I then heard him mutter "Idiot..." So in response I did the only thing possible: kicked him in the shin while cursing.

BAM! (Heh... sound words) Hello sand... we meet again. "Holy fucking Wish Maker, no need to overreact!"

Spike's voice came... from the ground next to me? "Two things. One that wasn't me and two... STOP TAKING THE NAME OF THE LEGENDARIES IN VAIN!"

I stood up and glared at him, "I'm not using their names; I'm using their titles..." Something then clicked in my brain, "Hey... we just got attacked!"

"Took you long enough to realize that!" Spike yelled while giving me the you-idiot glare. He stood up and suddenly his eyes widened. He began looking around frantically, "Where's my Relic Stone?" he demanded. Looking at the confused expression on my face he replied, "Mr. Boulder is missing,"

Oh...

"Should I be happy or concerned?"

"You'll be concerned, damnit! That's my most prized possession!"

A new, malicious voice joined the conversation, "Oh, you mean _this?"_

We both turned around to see a Koffing and a Zubat. Five bucks to whoever guesses what was perched on the Koffing's head.

Yep, Mr. Boulder.

And you're not getting the money.

"Hey! Give it back!" Spike pitifully protested.

If I had arms I would have slapped him. "Spike," I muttered, "You suck at negotiating," I then took a step forward putting on my angry face, "You will give back the stone right now or so help me I'll—"

"Dude, did that chick just attempt to threaten us?" The Zubat cut me off.

"He shouldn't have said that," I heard Spike state; he was obviously noting my anger.

"DID YOU JUST—" I began.

"He _really _shouldn't have said that..." I cast a glance at him, Spike looked real nervous.

"—FUCKING CALL ME—" I continued.

"Now they're in for it..." Spike squeaked, running behind some rocks.

"—A GIRL!?" I finished. I was pissed. Hell, I was _beyond_ pissed. They will pay for this insult. My first thought after that was 'If you can't stand the heat don't piss of the Torchic,' I now realize that would have been so lame if I said it out loud. Where was I? Right...

Something extremely hot welled up from my stomach and I reacted instantly. Next thing you knew I was spitting fireballs. _Fireballs_. THAT AIN'T HUMANLY POSSIBLE! Oh... right... not human... So it is possible.

In my moment of debating what is possible or not those idiots ran off! "They went into Beach Cave! We have to follow them!" Spike shouted as he ran to the said cave.

"No shit, Sherlock," I muttered as I followed him.

xxxx

It took all the strength of my scrawny chicken legs to keep up with Spike, who was moving at a remarkable pace (he was doing some freaky, kinda ninja-like run, is that normal?). I actually feel kinda sorry for anything that crossed our path, a Quick Attack via Spike was its fate, and believe me he had some serious power! That or this is what it's like when he's pissed. Note to self: don't piss off Spike. Not like I've already but that's beside the point.

I was practically panting after two levels of the cave. "For the love of the Original One, slow down!" I shouted before slowing to a stop and slumping to the ground again the wall of the cave. Spike skidded to a halt and ran over to where I was.

"What are you doing!? They're getting away!" I was about to protest but then he grabbed a handful of my feathers and began _dragging _me.

"Put me down you--!"

Use your imagination to figure out the rest.

Two more levels later Spike finally released me. Released in this situation is defined as my feathers couldn't take it and got ripped out. You know the yellow feathers on the left and right of a Torchic's neck? Left side: obliterated. If you wanna know how it felt do this: get duct tape, put on left side of neck, get friend to rip it of at breakneck speed, multiply by ten.

I also go smacked into the wall thanks to how fast Spike was going. He was rounding the corner of the passageway when my feathers gave so I ended up smacking the left side of my neck.

I haven't even known him for two hours and look at the shit he's got me in!

Don't even get me started on how when I got up I noticed that part of the wall was red. I was bleeding, but only slightly.However, I didn't try and kill Spike. I've decided that I won't kill him.

Yet.

Luckily enough for me, a Kabuto decided to attack. Blasting something with fire until it faints is a good way to vent anger, I gotta remember that. "You have a three second head start," I stated before turning to face him.

Fastest three seconds of his life. By now I had gotten my second wind and I was right on his tail, quite literally. I wasn't sure how far we had run, I was just focused on the chase. Spike suddenly stopped, causing 

me to barrel into him. We both stood up, each muttering our own curses respectively. I then noticed we were at a sort of end of the cave.

I then saw the Koffing and the Zubat.

The small candle-flame of anger towards Spike was nothing compared to the hell-fire that raged within me. Payback time.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Hopefully will have a chapter up tomorrow! Tomorrow makes one year since I've joined fanfiction!

Please review!


	3. Battle for the Stone

Spike and I locked eyes for a split second. In that second passed probably one of the most important agreements of my life. We agreed to put aside out differences and become permanent allies. At least, I _think_ that's what we agreed on; because it was either that or he was giving me the you-idiot glare again.

"Do whatever the hell you want to the Koffing, the Zubat's mine," I growled out of the corner of my beak as we approached. They are going to wish they never messed with me _or _Mr. Boulder!

"You have no where to run," Spike stated. "Hand over the stone and we'll let you off easy, but—"

Koffing didn't let him finish. Can you say poisonous miasma? Something slammed into me from behind, leaving me winded. As a reaction I gasped for breath and got a lungful of the miasma. I started to cough and sputter small embers, and left my throat feeling dry and blistered. I guess that cancels out fire attacks...

The Zubat was now diving, its fangs aimed for my throat.

"HOLY CRAP IT'S A VAMPIRE!" I managed to scream while scrambling out of the way. He crashed into the ground and somehow his fangs got stuck in the ground. Using that to my advantage I jumped on his back and started pecking the back of his head. This caused him to flap his wings wildly and began to clear some of the smog. Sweet deal.

I then looked over to see how Spike was doing. Surely himself being experience in at least one fighting style he should be able to—

He's getting his ass kicked. Cue mental forehead slap.

Taking a few lungfuls of the now partially miasma-free air I attempted to launch a stream of fire at the Koffing. But of course there was always a chance I'd hit Spike as well... As much as I'd love to do that...

The hell with it all, I'm blowing this place to bits.

And let's just say miasma spores 'go boom' when ignited.

Now here's what you do:

Turn tail, run like hell. Pray to every god and deity you know to see if they'll help you come out alive. And of course, just to spite you they let you trip over a random ass rock that you swear wasn't there before. Then that's when you're 'oh-so-helpful' partner practically puts you in a choke-hold and drags you along to prevent you from getting consumed by the on-coming firestorm because of your lack of arms. And then I—I mean you (I'm...still giving instructions, right?) ponder how a firestorm can rage with in a cave full of fucking WATER Pokémon! WATER! How the HELL is that possible!? Do the laws of physics and reality even MATTER to ANYONE anymore!?

...Ugh...

I rant far too much, sorry.

We had finally reached the outside. We turned around to see two very soot-ridden thieves behind us. I took a step forward, ready for them to taste my true flaming fury. Spike stopped me.

He put a paw on my shoulder, "Ryan, manslaughter is wrong and I personally don't want to start working at the Guild with blood on my hands from trying to help you conceal the bodies..."

I let out an angry huff now aware that Spike managed to snatch Mr. Boulder back. I will listen to him... for now. "Fine let's go to your damn sissy guild,"

One word too many on my part. Did I ever mention that sand is not the best taste in the world? The food sand with the vanilla pudding and the crushed wafers is fucking delicious but normal sand—no. If I get a concussion from being pulverized by Mr. Boulder, I'll find a lawyer and sue. Yes, I am assuming there is a legal justice system established within a ten-mile radius of this area.

The Koffing and Zubat had the balls to laugh at me; I fixed them with a deadly stare still not happy with them and just wanting this day to end. "Shut the hell up and get outta my sight before I barbeque your asses,"

They were out of there in less than a half second... there must be a world record for the world's fastest flee time, because I think they just broke it.

"Thanks, Ryan," Spike placed a paw on my shoulder once more. "Igniting those spores was genius! I'm actually glad now I didn't let the tide take you out to sea."

"YOU WOULDA LET ME DROWN!?"

"Consider yourself lucky that I didn't let anything eat you," I would find out later that he was joking, but here was my subconscious reaction to that statement at the time:

SOMETHING WAS GOING TO EAT ME? WHY!? I'M PRETTY _DAMN_ SURE I DON'T TASTE LIKE CHICKEN!

Last thing I need is another traumatic incident.

"Anyway thanks for helping me get back my Relic Stone; it really is my most prized possession."

And again, he hit me with it in the first chapter... someone remind me why I'm hanging out with him again?

...

Something other than the fact that he's my only current hope for survival.

"Where'd you get it?" I asked as we once again started off in the general direction of this 'Guild.'

"It was a gift from my grandfather before he passed on. His last wish was for me to fine the answer he spent his whole life searching for," Spike responded with a curious look on his face.

Strange... "So did the old man leave you any hints?" I'm probably being very inconsiderate right now... but curiosity killed the Glameow.

Spike hesitated before answering; turning the rock over in his paws several times, "I don't know; he kinda went crazy before he died. He kept muttering nonsense about a 'Hidden Land' and the essence of time," the Riolu looked at me curiously. "Can you make anything of it?"

The essence of time... it sounded oddly familiar somehow... I shook it off then replied, "Sorry can't help you there. Maybe this Guild knows?"

"Maybe," Spike responded. We walked the rest of the way in silence and I took this chance to get a good look at my new-found ally. He seemed a few inches taller than your average Riolu and quite honestly he looked to be on the thin side. He caught me staring at him and replied, "Abstaining from eating for periods of time helps sharpen the mind and hone one's spiritual energy." The look on my face must have been pretty hilarious, because he busted out laughed and nearly fell to the ground.

"What?" I demanded, "What the hell is your problem!?"

"Sorry, but..." he trailed off into a fit of giggles, "You're so predictable!"

"_Excuse me?"_

"I can read your face like an open book." He explained.

My reply was sarcastic, "And how do you find your selection?"

He paused a moment before answering, "...Interesting."

We lapsed into silence once more, his amused and mine annoyed. Then I continued to appraise him. He had grown out the fur on top of his head to form shaggy bangs that slightly covered the spot between his eyes and above his snout. That's kinda unusual for Riolu... unless he's just too much of a lazy ass to keep his fur in check. He reached up to scratch one of his ears and... Well... one of them looked funny...

"What up with the left ear?"

He seemed taken aback for a second, "You know, I was wondering when you were going to ask me about that, normally that's the first thing Pokémon notice about me." He turned his head so I could get a good look at it. His ear seemed to have a chunk torn out of it and a jagged scar-line.

"Ouch."

"No kidding," He replied. "Before I moved here, I lived up in the mountains and one day I wandered too far into a Skarmory's territory." He shuddered and paused. "Never, I repeat, NEVER mess with a Skarmory's nest."

"Point taken."

He stopped suddenly; we appeared to be at a sort of crossroad. He pointed straight "That way's the guild but..." He looked towards the sky, I mimicked his action. The sun was far to the west and just beyond the point of setting. "It's too late today... And I don't think Sensei would mind if I stayed at the dojo one more night..."

Before he could get a load of my confused expression he explained, "A few days ago I put up a sign in the local dojo asking for potential partners in an exploration team, today was the cut off date... kinda ironic seeing that I found you." He turned towards the left and began to walk once more, "Sensei insisted that while I sent out the call for a recruit that I stay with him and that he helps me train."

"And how good of a trainer is he?" I asked.

Spike paused for several long moments, "He makes good ramen... does that count?"

Ah... so _that_ explains his suckish fighting skills. "I'm going to guess that he's old."

"Very, he's been waiting for his grandson to show up and take over so he can finally retire. He's a Marowak by the way, both of them are."

"And do you know his grandson?"

Spike smiled as though he was pleased with the memory, "Yea, we hung out a lot when we were little; he was actually the one who convinced me to move here."

This confused me, "You seem a bit young to be out on your own... Don't you have any family?"

I immediately regretted asking the question when I saw how his face fell. I saw the sorrow of a thousand lifetimes pass within that one look of his. I was left to only speculate the worst as we continued forth in an awkward, yet solemn, silence. It was just kinda like... wow... It's like you want to reach out and comfort him but can't (literally and figuratively for me). We were both snapped out of our thoughts by someone shouting to us.

Well, to Spike, actually.

"Oi! Spike! Is that really you?"

He seemed to wake up from a trance and looked up in surprise, "Craig?" A Marowak ran up towards us and hugged Spike.

"It's been _ages! _How've ya been, buddy?" he released him then noticed me, "Who's your friend?"

"This is Ryan; he's answering my ad for an exploration partner."

I nodded in his direction, "Pleased to meet ya,"

Craig put a hand on his chin and studied me for a few seconds, "A Fire-Type... Powerful and practical, you seem to come from a good stock..." He nodded and folded his arms, "Very well, I approve!"

"Wait, WHAT!?" I blurted out.

Spike put his had over his face as though severely embarrassed, "I said HE, Craig, HE answered the ad. RYAN IS A GUY!"

Surprise fell over Craig's face, "Oh... OH!" He immediately made a deep bow in my direction, "My sincerest apologies, sir. I had misheard my friend and—"

"He thought you were my girlfriend." Spike butted in.

"WHAT!?" I shouted. "DO I LOOK THAT MUCH LIKE A GIRL!?!"

Spike sighed, "It's not you, it's him. He's known to make wrong assumptions about people within the first thirty seconds of meeting them."

This Craig was really starting to piss me off... "Can I barbeque him?"

Spike glared at me, "NO."

Craig grabbed Spike's paw and began pulling him towards what I assumed to be the dojo Spike told me about earlier. "Anyway, I've got some Pokémon I'd like you to meet and another possible recruit for your team!" He looked over his shoulder, "You come too Ryan!"

Do I have a choice in the matter?

... Probably not. So I sighed, followed them and prayed to Mew on high that nothing else unexpected would happen today.

* * *

Hi guys! Sorry for taking so long to update, this will probably shift to my primary project after I post the next chapter of The Fourth Key.

KTHXBAI!


End file.
